Email - you can't have one foot in and one foot out - make up your mind

Some people don't want to use email. Not a problem. Don't want to? Don't.

BUT.....if you start using it and you send people your email address and you send even the occasional email to your friends and relatives you are then obligated by the rules of common courtesy to keep using it until you notify them that you are stopping.

Why? Because if you don't, how are your friends supposed to know that you never got the emails they sent you? Huh? Ever thought of that?

If I sound peevish it's because I am. Somebody just did it to me again. Here's the problem:

She sent me an email late on Tuesday asking if I was going to be available for lunch Friday. I didn't see it until I got up Wednesday, but I answered it right away. Then... nothing. Not a peep.

Then Friday morning I got a phone call complaining that she never heard from me. When I mentioned that I'd replied to her email she said, "Oh, I don't check my email very often." Are you kidding me? You emailed me first! That's like asking a question and then turning your back and sticking your fingers in your ears.

If you start a conversation using one method, whether it's email or texting, you need to continue it using the same technology. By the same token it is not ok to reply to an email with a text message. You're just asking for trouble. And confusion.

I have a bigger issue with people who just never check their email regularly. As I said, if you don't want to use email that's fine. Don't use it. But you can't just use it when it suits you and then ignore it when it doesn't. Because people won't know that you don't check it, and they'll send you emails that they think  you're reading. And they're expecting you to answer.

There are two kinds of people in the world...

.... those who want to learn how to use their computers and gadgets and those who say they want to. I don't know why it's taken me so long to figure this out, but I have a feeling that now that I have my life will be much more serene. Up to this point I have always assumed that when someone asked me to show them how to do something, like change their desktop background or email their photos to their kids, they really wanted to learn. And I would try to teach them. With mixed results. Extremely mixed. Sometimes things would go well and other times not. There might be some stomping off involved. Sometimes.

So here's what I've discovered. A typical request for help starts out, "Can you show me how to do X." Some people mean it. Others mean "I can't figure this out myself, and frankly I don't want to, but it sure would be nice if you'd just do it for me and then I won't have to." The problem is that the second group never says that. Don't ask me why.

So the trick is to find out which group people are in before the fight starts. Because the people in the second group will never remember what you show them, because they weren't paying attention, they were just waiting until you fixed the problem for them and they could go back to what they really wanted to do.

I think I've been slow to figure this out because I enjoy solving problems and I love all the latest tech gadgets. It's been difficult for me to accept that not everyone is as excited as I am. But alas, they are not. So in the future, I'm going to be sure to ask the right questions at the outset, "Would you like me to do that for you? Or do you really want to learn how to do it yourself?"

Caringbridge.org

While this may at first seem to be a bit off-topic for a technology blog, it really isn't. Being of a certain age, I am finding that more and more people around me are developing serious medical conditions. And there is usually very little that I can do to provide any real comfort or support. But I was recently introduced to a wonderful free service called Caringbridge that I think more people should be aware of. Here, in a nutshell, taken from their website, is what they're about:

"CaringBridge is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit providing free websites that connect family and friends during a serious health event, care and recovery.

A CaringBridge website is personal, private and available 24/7. It helps ease the burden of keeping family and friends informed. The websites are easy to create and use. Authors add health updates and photos to share their story while visitors leave messages of love and support in the guestbook."

When someone is seriously ill, they and their caregivers can be exhausted and overwhelmed by the day to day turmoil of treatment. They may want, and need, to keep in touch with those family and friends they rely on for support, but have trouble doing so because they are just so exhausted.

Imagine a day of medical tests, filled with delay after delay, and indignity upon indignity, and then receiving discouraging news about your condition. Then imagine coming home having to make a dozen phone calls, or to send out emails to update all the people who are waiting to hear some good news. Then, imagine instead, writing a single short note and sending it to your Caringbridge site to share with everyone at once.

Best of all, the visitors can just check a box if they want to be notified of any new posts. So you don't have to send out a single email, or make a single phone call, and everyone will have the latest news.

There is even a free iPhone app that lets you post updates when you are out of computer range.

Caringbridge.org can be a godsend. Check it out if you know someone who might benefit from it.